Atheists, please stop threatening my kingdom!

by L.d. Ablo

Fools.

My servants, even though I am not an atheist, I find such fools useful for my kingdom.  For one, atheists and other “free” thinkers help ensure atheistic thinking permeates all of “secular” society, making a Godless but (as I always delight in saying), not godless society the world over.

Being the fools that they are, however, they are totally ignorant of their great blessing, their great advantage, their singular place in modern western culture.  Rather than bask in a position of cultural, societal, governmental, education dominance, my servant fools keep pushing to be recognized as a religion.

Yes, you read right–a religion!

As a case in point: please share my disappointment in reading James Dao’s recent New York Time’s article entitled, “Atheists Seek Chaplain Role in the Military.”   Exposing shocking ignorance on the part of atheists, my friends, the article states:

Strange as it sounds, groups representing atheists and secular humanists are pushing for the appointment of one of their own to the chaplaincy, hoping to give voice to what they say is a large — and largely underground — population of nonbelievers in the military.

Oh boy.  This is beyond strange.

This will not end well, my servants.  What these ignorant fools of misguided human beings (humans are the only atheists in all the universe) are pushing for will ultimately be their end if they are not stopped.  The leader of this misguided mission is a Freenonthinker named Jason Torpy, a former Army captain who is president of the Military Association of Atheists and Freethinkers.  This Freenonthinker pushes ahead because:

Humanism fills the same role for atheists that Christianity does for Christians and Judaism does for Jews,” Mr. Torpy said in an interview. “It answers questions of ultimate concern; it directs our values.

Do you know what Mr. Torpy just said while he was not thinking freely?  He just described religion.  This is the definition of religion used by the United States Supreme Court in largely ignored decisions, which fortunately have not yet been used against atheists.

STOP, Mr. Torpy.  NOW.

Let me speak in simple terms that even a Freenonthinker can understand:  when the public catches on that atheism is a religion, my cultural, social, governmental, and educational dominance is over.

Think I’m kidding?  Rabbi Shmuley Boteach already made this connection in his response to this NYT article, in a piece yesterday entitled, “Atheist Chaplains and the Church of Evolution.”

Get it?

When atheism is finally discovered to be a religion, or at least the theology of a godless religion such as Secular Humanism, then…

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