I wish Christians would just stay in church buildings

by L.D. Ablo

Home churches.

You know, I’m sure, that I hate homes.  And you know that I hate churches (at least churches of people who worship the true God).  So can you imagine my horror at the prospect of a church in someone’s home?

Blechhhh!

It took me almost 300 years, my servants to push churches of Godpunk Jesus worshippers out of homes and into special buildings called “churches.”  I successfully moved people large numbers of people from a personal setting into impersonal buildings and effectively changed the meaning of the term “church” from an assembly of people into the name of a special-purpose building.

I’m good, I know.

No, really, I know.

But, my servants, as you may know, the phenomena of “home churches” has had something of a resurgence over the last couple of decades.  In China, in Africa, even in the United States of Pervertia, it seems that people who love God instead of me are rediscovering the power of small meetings close to friends and neighbors.

And I don’t like it.

Which is why, my servants, I was delighted to read in today’s news out of Los Angeles (those what???) a story that chilled my heartless being.  In a story entitled, OC Couple Threatened With $500-Per-Meeting Fines for Home Bible Study, I read about my servants on earth doing my will on earth: stopping home churches…

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