Silent Night? Holy Fright! The First Christmas According to Satan (Part II)

by L.D. Ablo

Gabriel’s message allowed us to focus our efforts on one person: the baby in Mary’s womb.  My task: to kill this child.  So in those days I caused Caesar Augustus to disrupt Mary’s life by requiring that at the height of her pregnancy she and Joseph be forced to travel to Joseph’s hometown for a census.

I was a little nervous because Joseph’s hometown was Bethlehem the town of David.  I knew the significance of Bethlehem, but I was hopeful that the rough donkey ride from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea might fatally disrupt this strange birth.

Unfortunately they made it to Bethlehem.  What to do now? I thought frantically.  If only Mary lived in modern times she would no doubt be pressured into a safe abortion.  But abortions were not yet every already-born woman’s right back then, and even with the embarrassing story about being a virgin, the thought never crossed Mary’s mind.

Once the two trouble makers were in Bethlehem, I conveniently ensured that there were no rooms available in any inns.  We were all quite delighted to see Mary in pain and Joseph suffering in a cold, dirty barn full of animals.  Surely here I might find conditions suitable for my purposes, especially with very confused and unprepared Joseph.

But no sooner had we gathered to celebrate my success than in the dark of the night we heard the first cries ever from the mouth of a sinless baby.  Imagine! Never had a sinless baby taken a breath on this earth.  And now the sounds of his cry sent pangs of fear up and down Hell as Mary lovingly wrapped him in swaddling clothes and placed him in a nearby manger.

Now our task was to keep this event quiet.  We began planning how to ensure that no one else knew about God’s work.  Our plan was that Joseph and Mary, both living with the stigma of an out of wedlock birth, would go live quietly among their people…


Silent Night? Holy Fright! « Satan’s Blog

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