The Parable of the Year 4500 [PARODY]

by Cory Tucholski

4500A warning to the sarcastically impaired… this post is meant in jest, but it raises a valid point that bears addressing by atheists of OUR time. Before it’s even a question from speed readers or skimmers, I am not de-converting.

It has been horrid living under the Christian oppression for my entire life.  I was only a Christian because my family raised me so, and only remained so because it was easy in a primarily Christian society.

But I have, at last, thrown off the shackles of Christian oppression and joined the Brights of society, in knowing the truth that there is no God.

I now post my anti-testimony so that others may find the strength to resist the mindvirus of Christianity.  But let me start with a little history…

Christians in 4500 point to two incontrovertible “miracles” proving the existence of their god.  The first is the so-called Resurrection, when their zombie lord allegedly rose from the dead.

The second allegedly happened five days after an anonymous writer of what they used to call a “blog” wrote this:

If one evening, every star in the sky began to move in unison, and converge to form an illuminated three dimensional Latin Cross that filled the entire void, leaving the rest of the sky utterly black, devoid of any stars or planets; with Jesus’ face superimposed upon it, speaking in all languages at once its expectations of us, and for good measure it simultaneously rained human blood across the planet; and this all lasted for 24 hrs so that every person on Earth could view the event for themselves … I’d buy it.  I’d become the worlds greatest Christian.  Or if it were equally strong evidence of some other god being, I’d be first in line to at least apologize to it for my denial and happily sacrifice to it, grovel at its hooves, or otherwise demonstrate my reverence.. (source)

Five days after that, it happened.  Millions of eyewitnesses saw it, and thousands posted accounts online and newspapers carried stories and the media frenzy was born…

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