What if My Wife is Having an Affair?

by C Michael Patton

affairI just talked to my wife on the phone about forty-five minutes ago. Everything seemed fine. She was a little distracted and wanted to get off the phone for some reason at the end. She did not tell me why. It was an abrupt ending.

As many of you know, my marriage to Kristie has not been the “ideal” marriage by any means. For the last fifteen years, we have had many more downs than ups. We both believe that we could be happier, we just have never figured out the formula to make this happen. I suppose we have as many scars as just about any couple I have ever known that has made it this long. Some people who are close to us wonder how it is we are still together. I often wonder the same. Let’s put it this way: Dennis Rainey is not going to call us to host a Family Life Conference anytime soon (which, by the way, are wonderful!)

Human nature, being such that it is, yearns for self-indulgence. We default to making our selves happy. We always choose according to the greatest desire of the moment and if that moment has not been primed for the battle, the greatest desire can lead to the greatest destruction. Whether it is the drug that we need to pick ourselves up, the stoking that we need to feed our ego, or the sex that we need to feel loved, these greatest desires leave lives in ruins.

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Someone may ask me, “Michael, do you think your wife is having an affair?” For fifteen years my answer is the exact same. With full and certain confidence, I say “Absolutely not!” “But how can you be so sure?, someone responds. ”As you said, you know human nature. You know our tendencies and needs. You know how sinful we are. Your marriage, according to your own admission, could be much better. Besides that, you are out-of-town and you just talked to your wife and she said that she had to go without explanation. Maybe she is with another guy. You need to quit being so naive. Many people have been surprised by an affair. You don’t want to let this sneak up on you. My point is that your ‘certain confidence’ needs to turn to doubt and you need to adjust your thoughts and faith in your wife accordingly. I am just being the one who thinks deeply. You are being naive and blind to the reality that your wife might be having an affair.”

No, my wife is not having an affair. I live according to this confidence. Yes, we may have our problems, and yes we are sinners. But I say again with certain confidence that my wife is not having an affair. You see, while we have our issues and wounds a plenty, we do love each other deeply and we would not do that to each other.

Okay, push my back up against a wall and bring up what could happen…


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