A City Without Walls

by Kim Sandy

As a white woman married to a black man, I am frustrated when the argument that ‘gay is the new black’ is used. I am also frustrated by the argument that says forbidding a loving relationship between two people of the same sex is as bad as forbidding a loving relationship between a man and a woman of different races. It is not the same thing. A man and a woman from different ethnic backgrounds still meet God’s criteria for marriage between one man and one woman, but a homosexual relationship (regardless of colour) does not. Furthermore, sexual behaviour is always a choice and the colour of your skin is not.

Hold on a minute…I didn’t choose to be gay, you might say. I may well concur with that, but all acts of a sexual nature are a choice and they are distinctly different from sexual desires.

Just because you have a particular sexual desire (heterosexual or homosexual or otherwise!) it does not follow that you have to act on it.  You have a choice.

Think about it…if a man only experiences sexual desire for a particular married woman does he have the right to have her? Does he have no choice in the matter, because his sudden desire makes it legitimate and he can’t help himself? If she feels the same way, does that confirm that they are both right?

What about people who feel sexual desire towards parents or siblings? It may strike you as repulsive, but it does happen!  The desire may come unbidden, but the law currently forbids the fulfilment of that desire.  Most of us instinctively know that incest is a wrong desire, but did you know that according to the Virginia Christian Alliance, incest is a category that is rapidly growing in demand within the porn industry[1], and before you just dismiss this as just people being privately fascinated by taboos, let me tell you that incest is currently a hotly debated subject that is being discussed all over the internet as individuals are beginning to challenge whether the law should dictate to us who we can and cannot have sex with.

Let’s take this further to an area that is not currently in much dispute: If a person feels sexual desire towards a child should they pursue a sexual relationship with that child? After all, if they had a choice, they would not want to be attracted to a child. I think most of us would agree that whilst they might not have a choice in what they feel they do have a choice in what they do with such feelings.

Again, desires can range from the perfectly ordinary to the utterly bizarre…as a retired doctor decided to inform me during a dinner function! If ever there was a case of too much information that was it!

Regardless of sexual desire, people can live a life of total chastity if they want to. Ahhh, but wait…have I fallen into the trap of my own argument? If people want a life of chastity that’s their choice, right? If Heterosexuals want to live lives of sexual abstinence they can, and, by the same token, if they want to have sex they can. So why don’t homosexuals have this freedom to choose either way? Don’t they have the right to pursue fulfilment of their sexual desires if they want to?

The answer is simply no, they don’t.

The key to understanding what is right and wrong is not to appeal to what I want to do…


A City Without Walls | The Paradox of Man