The Absurdity of Describing Oneself as an Agnostic Atheist

by Lenny Esposito

Imagine meeting a man who traveled to your town from a far country after his nation was destroyed by a war. All the records of civil ceremonies had been wiped out. In talking with this gentleman, you ask if he has a wife. He answers, “I don’t know if I am currently married, but I know that I’m a bachelor!”?

You’d probably look at them with more than a bit of confusion. “How can that be?” you ask.

He replies, “Well, I may or may not have gone through a marriage ceremony in my home country. However, there’s no way to tell, since all the records are destroyed. However, you don’t see me with a wife now, I like to date a lot, and I don’t want to answer to a wife or have to check in every night. Therefore, I’ve chosen to be a bachelor, but I may be married, too.”

“But you don’t understand,” you reply. “The very concept of being a bachelor precludes you from being married. You are either married or you aren’t, regardless of what records exist. Therefore, if you don’t know whether you’re married, then you don’t know whether you’re a bachelor. Conversely, if you know that you’re a bachelor, you then know that you aren’t married. “

He replies, “No, I am a bachelor who is open to the fact that I may also be married.”

You try to persist. “The word ‘bachelor’ refers to whether or not you have committed to another person in marriage. That either happened or it didn’t. Claiming that you may be a married bachelor is just as absurd as saying you may have found a triangle with only two sides! I can tell you right now that such a triangle doesn’t exist and neither does a married bachelor. Your standing regarding marriage defines whether or not you’re a bachelor.”

Defining Theism, Atheism, Agnosticism

While the above conversation seems farcical, I have been running into a similar issue recently with people who describe themselves as “agnostic atheists.” As a Christian, I describe myself as a theist. A theist is someone who believes in God. There are many types of theists (Jews, Muslims, Deists, etc.) They all fall within the category of someone who holds that God exists. Being a theist doesn’t mean the person can argue for or even prove that God exists; it simply defines the fact that they believe God exists.

On the other end of the spectrum are atheists…

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