Inner Battles for Modern Apologists
By Jason Kline
This is an article that does not want to be written. A war is being waged within me; my soul and every part of me is fighting against writing. Deep down I ask, “What is the point of writing? You’re not a good writer and nobody really cares what you have to say. You should just hang it up lead a quiet, peaceful and secluded life.” Voices in my mind (like those in Saturday morning cartoons with an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other persuading the character) are calling me “stupid,” “inadequate,” “unworthy,” “unqualified,” and so much more. Another part of me (the still calm voice) is saying, “And, for that reason, write!” It is taking everything in me to push through and write anyways, realizing that what is taking place is a battle in my mind; a battle unlike anything in this physical world, but a battle between powers and principalities not of this world. This type of battle can only be fought through spiritual disciplines by the power and grace of God.
Inner Battle of Spiritual Bankruptcy
This is the purpose of my writing to you, apologists – God’s front-men and gate keepers. We live in a nasty world; a world filled with pain, suffering and evil. Ministry, then, of any kind, affords ministers the risk of running spiritually bankruptcy/burnout through constant spiritual warfare and ministering to those crying out for help. But, who are we to think we can wage war on spiritual matters by our own merit and effort? For, “apart from Christ, we can do nothing” (John 15:5).
Inner Battle of Ambition
Apologists have a natural love for knowledge and an unquenchable thirst for truth. It is who we are and who God designed (and called) us to be, and for good reason. Every apologist I know has great ambition and hunger inside of them, driving them forward, with a passionate conviction. This is a noble calling and I am all for it. What I do want to do is ask you to pause for a moment and breathe. I caution the apologist at this point. Ambition, though useful, can be dangerous when left to its own devices rather than done in the spirit. I write if only to help just one. I write to encourage the apologist to learn from my mistakes…
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